Why Do We Think We Fail As Mothers?

As we become mothers our priorities change. We stop worrying about ourselves and began to figure out every way to make sure our child is raised correctly. If something doesn’t go right in our child’s life we blame ourselves for that failure. No matter how much we try and do everything right, when it goes wrong we still think it’s our fault. It’s as if our hard work goes unnoticed because they say your child reflects you.

Here are some of the areas I believe I fail as a mother.

  1. My daughter not having her father in her life.
  2. Working a 9-5, while chasing my dreams, and trying to stay healthy. Meaning I don’t always make time daily for her.
  3. Afraid of what she might grow up to become. I don’t know what her future holds, but I pray daily that she overcomes the daddy issues and understands mommy’s hustle.
  4. Not knowing if I’m teaching her the right things.

Being a parent would have you second guessing yourself so much. How do we know if what we are doing is correct? Is the time I’m working on making her life better, should truly be spent with her? When do you feel comfortable about how you raised your child? How do I stop believing it’s my fault that the father isn’t there? Why would us women believe that’s a part of our failure? I know I’m not the only parent that wonders these things.

I learned that this is a mindset. As a mother, you do everything in your power to make sure your children are raised correctly. No matter the circumstances you still go out there and get it. Sometimes you forget to cater to your needs because you are so wrapped up in making sure your children have everything they need and maybe want. We must stop thinking that just because something goes wrong in our child’s life that it’s our fault. We can only control so much in our child’s life so how could we be the blame for everything?

Ways to stop blaming yourself:

  1. Spending more time with your child.
  2. Stay involved in their education.
  3. Cater to the dreams they have at a young age.
  4. Write letters to your child for every milestone they crossed in life.
  5. Be mindful of who you bring around your child.
  6. Take time to listen to your child.
  7. Give your child attention. So, they want to go out looking for it.
  8. Watch how you talk to your child and around your child.
  9. Pray for your child daily.
  10. Show love to your child.
  11. Forgive yourself.

These are just some suggestions on how you can show up in your child’s life. I know that sometimes you are tired or need space because your stressed, but don’t allow that energy to shift over to your child. The only way you could truly fail your children is if you aren’t mindful of them, their feelings, installing growth and education, and spending time with them doing things that excite them. Children only want your time. So, with a discipline and love let’s stop blaming ourselves and start showing up.

5 Replies to “Why Do We Think We Fail As Mothers?

  1. Loved this!!! It feels good to know that I am not the only one who feels as if at times it can become quite overwhelming. Thanks for the reminders and advise!

  2. I can see this but I’m just the opposite, my son is how I measure my success. I look at him and I feel proud. I struggle with not being jealous (joke) of his life. He’s happy and well balanced and not in need of anything. I’m active and involved and he doesn’t miss a morning wake up or falling asleep without ever seeing me. Sometime my failing feels like I’m neglecting me, to give him all that I’ve never had or imagine, so the draw back is finding time to make sure I have a life too because what happens to me
    When he becomes a man???

    1. I love the fact that you are able to look at it differently. That gives me a different aspect of my views of what failure truly is while being a mom. I’m one of those mothers who doesn’t cater to herself at all. I put many things on the back burner so that I could make sure my daughter had it all, never realizing that I was neglecting what I needed. That’s going to be a new blog topic. Thank you, Bridgette!

  3. I too go through and experience this myself with my daughter. I understand the absent father aspect as well as feeling like I have failed her, even at the tender age of 5. It is my goal and my mission to work on my patience and time management to ensure I spend more time with her and and to make sure that time spent is meaningful. I show up for her most of the time but I am working towards showing up for her ALL of the time. She is my world, my reason for living and it is my mission to take care of her, raise her, and instill good morals and values in her. We must stop blaming ourselves for their failures before they even happen. It starts with accepting our own faults and shortcomings. Put in the extra effort, have faith in God, and love them to no end!

  4. This was so head on.. I have 5 kids myself so I definitely understand the feeling of failure everytime something goes wrong.. my 2nd oldest doesn’t have her biological father in her life either and I beat myself up about it for a long time, until I married my husband… He made sure she knew she was loved and it didn’t matter about blood relations.. She was his and that’s what she knows.. I feel the most proud when I look at all my kids and their accomplishments.. That lets me know I’m doing something right.???

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