Have You forgiven yourself for holding on to pain or a person?


Recently I had a conversation with a man that approached me. I asked him “Don’t you have a lot of females wanting you?” The moment the question left my mouth I realized how I’m still holding on to the past and what I experienced. The man says, “Why would you asked me that, is it because of the material things I have?” No, his material things weren’t what I was speaking on. I was speaking on how handsome he was. I ask this question to probably every male that attempts to talk to me. The heart breaks I’ve endured causes me to be caution when it comes to talking to men. I find a reason not to like them and push them away. To make things worse he was light skin, and my first heart break was by someone who was light skin. Yes, I realized all of this in this one conversation because this isn’t the first time I asked that question. It was the first time someone challenged my way of thinking.

I felt so immature talking to this man.  I didn’t realize how dumb the question was. However, that’s just a defense mechanism. I was one of those people that just wanted to stay single so I didn’t have to deal with the cheating, arguing, or other things that came with a relationship. I don’t like rejection either. Up until this year, those things were working for me. Now I learned that I hold on to the pain so I can’t get hurt again. That’s wrong people! You can get hurt by holding on to the pain. Be single and living a scared life can hurt you. Going from one relationship to another can hurt you. The pain can hurt you if you hold on to it.

The Lesson:

Holding on to a person is a hard thing to get over. Why, because in the back of our minds we are always wondering why them. Even though we knew they weren’t good for us we continued to deal with them. Some of us were in an abusive relationship, some of us was taking care of our partner, and some of us was getting cheated on. But all of us stayed because we were in love, we didn’t want to be alone, or because we had children together. Do you see why I say it’s hard?

So many of us are still holding on to that hurt and pain from that bad relationship. It’s to the point that we are jumping into relationships back to back, we are single for life, or we don’t want to have any more kids. On top of those feelings we are living life with insecurities and we don’t realize when someone good has come along. Holding on to a person or a previous relationship could cause more damage when you end it then it does while you still in it.

The Truth:

Forgiveness is the key.

The moment you forgive yourself and then the person you still holding on to, a weight will lift from your shoulders. Forgiveness gives you the opportunity to gain your power back. You can kill those insecurities just by forgiving and letting go. However, to forgive you must be truthful. Be real with yourself! Even if you break down crying because of all the things you allowed to happen or endure, be truthful. You may not like your reality but through the truth and forgiveness, you can help heal yourself. Remember the truth shall set you free.

Pain will hold you back and forgiveness will set you free!


Come back next Wednesday to learn the steps to forgiveness

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