Over the years I’ve learned that before letting a situation go, you should forgive. I’m one of those people that would remember everything that happened, especially if it pertains to me. I just wouldn’t let it go. As I began to work on self- development, and self-love I realize how important forgiveness was. I’m not just talking about forgiveness for the other person but I also needed to forgive myself. Today we are talking about the four steps I use to forgive myself.
My first year of college I met this girl name Yollie. We became close to the best of friends. Yollie and I did everything together and had some of the same classes. We all kicked with most of the same people. When I had my daughter Yollie and her family was the first to know. And my daughter is named after her. This was the first year. Now, the second year of college was different. Yollie and I were still tight however other people were involved. Yollie got into this relationship, my baby daddy was at the school with me, and I felt like things went south from there. We got into a bad argument and for too long we stopped talking. Even now to this day we not how we used to be, but we still check on each other.
By the way, this is the shortest version of this situation ever.
Step 1. Acknowledge the situation:
- I felt like I lost Yollie to not only her boyfriend but also to all the new people at the school. To be honest, Yollie was a solid friend. I never receive the type of support she was willing to give. When I was at my worse she had her father or mother calling to pray with me. When I didn’t want to keep going she was cheering me on. See it wasn’t just her but it was her family as well. So, think about it I had my daughter, moved back to Nebraska for school, and my best friend (in my eyes) was wrapped up in her life so much that I thought she forgot about me. I was hurt!
Step 2. Think back to where it started:
- When I was younger I was the house baby. That means that everyone that lived in my Big Mama house had to take care of me and my Big Mama made sure of it. When my Big Mama passed away a piece of me died with her. Not a good year later my father was killed. So as a 12-year-old I felt like they left me to be in this world alone. Don’t get me wrong I still had my mother but she had 6 of her own kids, my cousin she took in, and family to look over. So, I was invisible in a way that nobody had time for me and my interest. So even though I had a big family I still grow up feeling neglect.
- For Yollie to come into my life and remind me of not only what a friend is supposed to be and what I lost when my Big Mama and Father passed. I didn’t want to share that or let it go. For once, I had somebody I could share my goals and dreams too and get support with it. When I say support, I mean an accountability partner, prayer partner, study partner, and someone I could turn up with all in one. Digging deeper into my past taught me that I had neglection issues and it wasn’t Yollie I was truly upset with. I was upset with the thought of losing someone closet to me.
Step 3. Forgive yourself and the people at that moment:
- To forgive myself I felt the need to not only have a conversation with Yollie but to also apologize. I had to forgive myself for not knowing how to communicate those feelings, for allowing our friendship to get bad, for blaming her, and for not realizing I suffer from neglect issues. I was mad at myself because it was so much that was said and unsaid that it left a bad taste in both of our mouths and it fractured probably one of the realist friendships I’ve had. But It all worked out.
Step 4: Pray and Let Go:
- Over time Yollie and I had the necessary conversation to end the madness. We didn’t even know what happened and where it truly stemmed from, which makes it worse. So, I had to really let it go. I kept saying to myself life is too short. And I could have permanently lost a friend over nothing. I also learned that God brings people into your life for a reason.
Here are the ways I learned to forgive not only myself but other’s as well. It wasn’t easy sitting in your truth and honestly working through it all. But it’s worth it. The peace you get when you forgive is so much more than holding on to something. At a point, I was going through therapy to help me talk through a lot of these issues as well. So, if these steps don’t work, go to therapy. Talking to someone that doesn’t know you helps you clear your mind and understand situations differently. All I’m saying is do what you need to forgive and be set free.
Tune in next Wednesday, topic, Wanting the best for your children and not being the reason they fail.